Submitted by: Sports Editor
LONDON: Competition is fierce in the UK where FMN is witnessing some extraordinary individual performances. Although Malaysia is not traditionally a sporting nation, enthusiasm for these London games has been unprecedented.
“We have a strict training regime,” said MP Dato Nasir Bin Yusof, “My wife and I rise early to limber up before enjoying authentic nasi lemak prepared by our personal chef at the Dorchester Hotel. Our driver and personal shopper arrive around 9am to take us for a lap around Piccadilly Circus via Carnaby Street, then the 100m dash to Harrods Knightsbridge for the main competition.”
“We only have so many days here to spend the allowance given to us by our GLC sponsors,” explained Dato Nasir, “so once the opening bell goes off we have to jump a few crowd control hurdles. Then the diving through a deep pool of shoppers by performing a semi-half tuck twist to slice through to the front of the long queues.”
Sadly MP Tan Sri Salleh Bin Jaafar was the first casualty due to knee injuries sustained attempting a record-breaking full shopping bag lift.
Minister for writing offensive nationalistic songs, Dato Seri Rais Bowl was beaten by the Saudi’s in a fierce contest to secure antique French porcelain. Instead he settled for the silverware. He told FMN, “I really had the crowd behind me all the way! It turned out to be mostly Russian oil and gas magnates, but I was able to beat them to a 14 karat gold Rolex time piece!”
Top Seed MP Dato Sam Bal dazzled in centre court scoring several Fabergé Diamond Jubilee Eggs. In a major upset, his wife suffered retina damage from observing the Malaysian Olympic uniforms at the opening ceremony. She has forfeited competition and settled for Slovakian crystal-gold chandeliers delivered to her Hammersmith residence.
Harrods of London reported that Malaysia has won first place in gold and silver jewelry purchases, owing to the sheer volume of delegates at these games. The first lady, MPs, personal chefs, sports psychologists, GLC Directors and translators are a force to be reckoned with.
One Harrods store manager said, “What is in Malaysia’s favour this year, is so many shoppers from other nations are distracted by athletic events. It’s given Malaysia every chance to sweep our gold and silverwares.”