Submitted by: Balik Kampung Editor
KUALA LUMPUR: National carmaker Pro-Tong has struggled to maintain market share in recent years despite massive government protection. It hopes its fortunes will improve by launching a new Malaysian-themed vehicle just in time for Raya.
“The Tapir is designed to compete with heavily taxed Japanese and Korean alternatives,” explained Pro-Tong CEO Datuk Seri Syed Zainal Rust Bakett. “It is packed with cutting edge features such as wheels, brakes, headlights, wipers and an engine.”
“The Tapir seats 7 comfortably, but if you purchase the Hari Raya limited edition, interior seats and moldings are removed so 7 more adults can be accommodated in the back, and 2 children in the glove box.”
“Passengers travel in their choice of 4 aircon powered designer scents; belacan, kari, ikan bilis and durian. Useless cup holders have been replaced with hangers for plastic sirap limau bags. Kids can enjoy the built-in congkak set fitted to the rear window sill while you drive at 200kmph on the North-South express way.”
“Pro-Tong will supply the patented under the hood ‘engine BBQ’ to prepare lemang bakar or satay. The included ‘aquarium car boot’ can be used as a ‘Jersey shore’ style hot tub. For arm exercise, the driver’s window is glued permanently shut so you have to open the door at tollbooths. There is no unnecessary indicator light switch, but they will flash automatically if it rains.”
“To keep the selling price below RM29,000, seat belts, ABS braking and airbags have been replaced with prayer booklets of different faiths. The Tapir also has a breakdown repair kit consisting of a little tree branch to put behind the car. You can be sure passing motorists will all know you’re a Pro-Tong driver.”