Dr M’s ‘Fear and Loafing’ Bakery

Submitted by Hot Bagel Editor,


BANGSAR: Malaysian muffin munchers claim they have been unfairly treated at a new bakery owned by proprietor and Patisserie Maestro (PM), Dr Mahir bin Mohammed.

Customer Don Noh Hoo told FMN, “I come here every day and queue up for a coffee and a raisin bun, but I’m always told by the head baker that the big ones are reserved.  Then when ‘special’ customers arrive they get the bigger buns with all the frosting!”

Mansoor Prakash said, “Why do I have to get my baguettes from the counter when others get chocolate éclairs via table service?   He should treat everyone fairly!  Dr Mahir says he does it only for select customers but these customers he favours get more than they could possibly eat anyway.  I’m a good patron.  Why, we look so alike Dr M and I, we may as well be brothers anyway.  I don’t get it.”

“The baker’s dilemma is that some people are gentler and not as aggressive as others,” Dr Mahir told FMN, “Some aren’t genetically equipped for pushy queues and they will miss out on all the dough unless we give them special benefits.  Customers who complain should realise our bakery is a lot better than those in Syria and Palestine.”

Competing bakers at the Mall have felt Dr Mahir’s legendary wrath, “I tried to set up my own bakery and prove there are fairer ways to treat the public, but the moment I did, there has been no end to the criticisms hurled at me from Fear and Loafing,” said rival baker Awas Ibrahim.  “To destroy my baking career, allegations appeared about my personal habits from former employees linking me to unhygienic hot sticky buns.  Reports about my bakery in the New Quiche Times are always negative.  It’s like Dr Mahir can influence the health inspectors and the mainstream pastry media!  Dr M also recently blogged that customers should stick with his devil food cakes people know rather than let people try my angel food cakes!  What chance do I have to compete if he can use his powers as Patisserie Maestro (PM) to destroy me?”

“People who say Fear and Loafing is about racial baker-nomics are completely wrong,” says customer Mohd Faisal Abdullah, “I get a few coupons to keep me quiet, but Dr M still saves the majority of the goodies for his closest friends and family.  It’s hard for any of us to be inspired to play by the rules.  What’s the point?  Only those who have the right connections with the baker, get the bread.”


The above story did not happen.  www.fakemalaysianews.com

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