Submitted by 1Editor,
PUTRA JAYA: The government has assembled an Illuminati of the world’s finest minds in a futile attempt to fathom the meaning of the Prime Minister’s ingeniously vague 1Malaysia policy.
Minister for making sexist comments told FMN, “There are a lot of opposition spies watching the Barisan Nasional right now as we head towards the election. The value of having a major policy which nobody actually understands, cannot be overstated. This is why the Prime Minister is such a brilliant political tactician. PKR can’t possibly steal our ideas if we ourselves don’t know what they are!”
The Prime Minister met journalists recently to try to clear the 1confusion, “In 2009, I was conducting my first major policy announcement as Prime Minister but I had forgotten my notes! Luckily I had the receipt from my lunch at a Mamak stall in my pocket. It said ‘1 murtabak’ but I had spilt dahl on the paper and it looked to me like ‘1Malaysia’ so I announced that instead. It sounded good but I had no idea what it meant at the time. The government then plastered the logo all over the country so we are assembling a task force to interpret the policy.”
“Of course I personally know now what 1Malaysia means,” the PM continued, “1Malaysia means achieving unity through divisiveness, equality through affirmative action, stability through transformation, democracy by eliminating the opposition, religious tolerance through intolerance, moving forward by moving backward, economic growth through unsustainable deficit spending, transparency via official secrets, wealth via corruption. It’s all about doing things we have always done in a transformationally new kind of way!”
The PM closed with one of his rousing analogies; “We are at a critical junction now in the nations’ development. It is time for Malaysia to come together like a football team made up of Wayne Rooney of England, Lionel Messi of Argentina and Cristiano Ronaldo of Portugal. We have been passed the baton at the end of the race. To be victorious we need to run to the finish and score a goal with our batons together!”
This did not happen.