Submitted by Breath of Fresh Air Editor,
KLANG VALLEY: Coughing up KL’s signature black haze is going to cost Malaysians a little more today after the government shocked producers and smokers alike with an unexpected tax increase.
“I can’t really start my day without a few lung-fulls of sweet haze,” said Mohd bin Batuk a keen smoker, “It calms my nerves and helps me enjoy my morning kopio. I think the government knows I can’t quit so they hit us up with a price increase now that the election is over! Anyway I can still go to heaven if I smoke. My mufti says I might even get there sooner than I expect!”
Tourism Minister, Datuk Seri Mohamed Nazri Aziz had this to say to journalists, “How should I know why the price of haze goes up? I am not gay. Haze is not my wife or lover. It’s not my problem ok? I don’t sleep with haze. I only smoke haze after I sleep with a leng lui ok?”
“All this will do is encourage smokers to travel to other countries to get their haze fix.” said Sime Darby a manufacturer of haze hurt by the increase, “We already suspect people are smuggling haze into Malaysia past customs officials at airports and borders!”
“This is all leading up to a horrible post-election budget,” said one voter, “There are going to be more ‘sin taxes’ coming our way for sure. I just wish the Government could subsidise more things that kill us, like they do now with sugar!”