Submitted by Throw away the Key Editor,
KUALA LUMPUR: The Prevention of Crime (Amendment and Extension) Act 2013 has been passed and the Home Ministry wasted no time today by detaining all 29 million resident Malaysians.
“It’s for everybody’s’ safety,” explained Home Minister Datuk Seri Ahmad Zahid Hamidi, “You can’t be too careful these days, so I thought we better detain everyone just to be on the safe side! Police have lost a whole bunch of guns in the sea, and if those dangerous weapons float to the surface and turn up in the possession of any opposition sympathizers, well who knows what could happen! Surely the government presuming Malaysians are guilty until proven innocent is nothing compared to the scourge of gang related crimes on the streets!”
“People need to understand how dangerous it is in Malaysia right now,” he continued, “I just saw this frightening documentary on Youtube. KL Gangster 2, I think it was called, and it was so violent I couldn’t sleep! I might take Bung Mokhtar’s advice get my own firearm on the black market!”
“Finding criminals is a complicated process,” said the Home Minister in closing, “collecting evidence, chasing down and arresting suspects, and then there is the whole legal system to contend with. It’s all very tiring. What do we do if gangsters rob a store wearing helmets? We can’t just go arresting everybody who rides a motorbike! It’s not practical. Better we just detain the whole country. We will get round to working out the terms of everyone’s release some other time, but at least now we are all safe!”