Submitted by Spiritual Divinity Editor,
PUTRAJAYA: The court of appeal on Monday, allowed the Federal government’s appeal so that the word “Allah” can no longer appear in the Catholic weekly publication ‘The Herald.’
“The decision is final,” Federal Court Judge Mohamed Apandi Ali told the press, “we put our best impartial Muslim Judges on the case, and they unanimously agreed that to preserve national peace and harmony, ‘Allah’ is the exclusive property of Islam. The word isn’t important to Christians and surely we Muslims are experts on Christian affairs!”
Then without warning, the press room was lit with a blinding holy light. A vision of Jesus who Muslims regard as the second most recent prophet of God, and to Christians the Son of God, appeared in all his divine glory.
Jesus said unto them, “Greetings! We in Heaven are trying to make sense of this court ruling. With Christians peacefully worshiping Allah in Indonesia and the Middle East, why can it not be the same here?”
Judge Datuk Seri Mohd Apandi Ali addressed the divine figure, “We believe unlike Arabic or Indonesian Muslims, Malaysian Muslims can be easily confused. What if a Muslim should accidentally wander into a Catholic Church and read a copy of ‘The Herald?’ They might read the word ‘Allah’ printed in the publication and wake up the next day as a Bishop!”
“I believe that has actually happened zero times!” spoke Jesus, “but if addressing God as Allah can confuse Muslims, wouldn’t some of the 1.6 million east Malaysian Christians that worship Allah convert to Islam?”
“No, this threat is only to Muslims, and it is the government’s duty to preserve the national religion,” said Judge Mohd Apandi Ali. “We still believe in religious freedom here. People are free to convert to Islam any way they like.”
“No one should prevent Muslims from practicing their faith, but can Muslims who wish to leave the religion pursue other spiritual paths?” Jesus inquired.
“Why would anyone leave Islam?” said Judge Mohd Apandi Ali. “It’s the one true faith! We believe anyone who isn’t us, is worshiping an imaginary God. Allah should be the exclusive property of Islam. We wouldn’t want Allah to make a mistake and let some of these other religious followers into Heaven. It’s sort of like how you would feel if you paid for first class tickets and you sit next to someone who got a free upgrade from Economy. It totally ruins the fun of going to heaven!”
And so Jesus himself was confused, “I’m in the right country am I not? Is this the country where the Prime Minister talks about 1Malaysia and national unity?”
“We’ve had an election since then Prophet Jesus. Now that non-Muslims aren’t voting for us, we need to appeal to right-wing Malay groups. Today we spread conspiracy theories about Christians converting Muslims and keep people believing their spiritual destinies must be sanctioned and protected by their powerful race-centric government!”
“A person’s soul and spiritual journey is the one thing a government cannot control. If He is in their heart and soul, people will recite the name of Allah or God in private prayers and worship Him regardless of what laws you pass here today.”
“Exactly. There is nothing stronger than the power of God!”
“The power of God to transform lives?”
“No I mean the power of God to keep UMNO in Government! Have you noticed how with all this religious controversy, no one is talking about the Auditor General’s report anymore?”