KO SAMUI: With the arrest of a former PetroSaudi Director who leaked forged documents to discredit the Prime Minister, 1MDB supporters took comfort today in the knowledge the fund isn’t corrupt, only totally rubbish at borrowing, managing and investing large amounts of money.
“We told everyone Jho Low had nothing to do with siphoning off US$700 million from the PetroSaudi JV,” said a 1MDB spokesman, “and our PM also said he has Nothing2Hide and Nothing2Say about his son’s suspicious real estate purchases.”
“We didn’t hide money offshore, but to explain the current debt laden state of 1MDB, what can we say? We just kept borrowing and borrowing until we couldn’t service the colossal debts we racked up!”
“At least when the public has to bail us out they can take comfort knowing nobody got rich from 1MDB, except maybe some local power asset owners and Goldman Sachs. Those 10% financing fees are a nightmare!”
“Xavier Justo was a terrible employee,” explained a PetroSaudi source, “so we did what any honest employer would do when a director violates his contract – we handed him RM15 million and showed him the door!”
This ‘to do list’ found on Justo’s laptop reveals his logical blackmailer plan which should make complete sense to anyone.
“I think Malaysians will breathe a sigh of relief this corruption controversy is over. PM Najib is cleared of all wrongdoing, other than his 1MDB brainchild borrowing beyond its capacity, overpaying for leveraged assets, suspicious land revaluations, an outrageous Tabung Haji land sale, and damaging Malaysia’s financial credibility to the point where we face a credit rating downgrade. Other than that he’s completely in the clear!”