Submitted by senior field correspondent EJ;
Malaysia just achieved another global first last night, when it was discovered that we have the largest repository of Birkin bags outside Paris. The secret store, located at Pavilion KL Apartments, had nearly 300 boxes of bags, dwarfing the collection of Victoria Beckham 4 to 1.
The former Spice Girl, when contacted, sadly conceded that her moniker, Posh Spice, will now officially be demoted to “Mother Teresa Spice” from today.
When contacted, Phillipe Maćhibai, store manager of the Hermes shop, located in the Pavillion Mall downstairs, denied that the facility was a shop belonging to them.
“Oh puhlezz, like no. Like totally no. I mean we do like, really well. We don’t involve in this sekendel all. Whybotherwhybotherwhybother?” , Phillipe, who was forced to convert to faux French upon accepting his job, and whose real name is Dol Anakharom, clarified when met yesterday at his Kampung Baru home.
The origins of these bags are a mystery, with some claiming it had something to do with a recent local movie release, called “Dukun”, while others speculated it had something to do with Hollywood’s “The Wolf of Wall Street”. Others claim it had to do with some rich Chinese dude, a yacht and some money being transferred from a state fund, yet Government (formerly known as Opposition) politicians have yet to be able to fully explain this, as the money trail is too confusing, and have been compared to trying to park at Mid Valley or find a particular temple in Brickfields.
A movie is expected to be produced about this saga sometime later this year, with a working title “Big Momma’s 5 Houses”. Martin Lawrence has declined to reprise his role, claiming conflict of interest.
“I mean look at DiCaprio, even his cute-ass white face couldn’t shake his scandal off. I’m black. My roles are black. But even my blackest role, Black Knight, isn’t half as dark or funny as this, man. This here is criminal dark, Black Maria dark. No further comment ” his press release stated.