NEW YORK: Sources close to Goldman Sachs CEO David Solomon reported the man helming of the hugely successful international investment bank was having a hard time dealing with the fact two former employees were part of the massive 1MDB scandal.
“David was so down in the dumps he sent a private jet full of personal assistants over to Christie’s auction house to outbid several other grumpy chief executives on a USD70million frowny clown face oil painting,” a Goldman analyst reported, “hopefully he shows up to this Friday’s USD4mil bank laser tag tournament in better spirits!”
“It’s not just Goldman Sachs employees Tim Leissner and Roger Ng being arrested after collecting USD600million in fees related to 1MDB revenue raising, it’s the fact the bank didn’t have enough time to offer Dept of Justice prosecutors a ridiculously overpaid token senior consulting position at Goldman Sachs to avoid prosecution!”
In other news, painter Clement Marc passed away after a long battle with a secret illness sending prices for his sad clown paintings up thousands of percent. Goldman Sachs CEO David Soloman is reportedly feeling really bad about that too.