No Point Being On Time Because Everyone Else Will Be Late, Nation Confirms

NATION: Malaysians with plans this evening have said there’s no point arriving on time because chances are you’ll be sitting alone waiting for everyone else to arrive.

“It’s a no brainer,” explained punctuality analyst, Abdullah bin Bakar, “being punctual guarantees you’ll be sitting in the restaurant reading ‘on the way’ WhatsApps for at least half an hour.”

“The sensible plan is to arrive 9PM to an 8PM dinner armed with an excuse why you were delayed.”

Others invited to tonight’s 8PM dinner said they planned to arrive even later than 9PM because Abdullah was so hopelessly unreliable.

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